Children, as many a frustrated parent has discovered, tend to be much better behaved in the company of strangers than they do in the presence of family members. Husbands and wives are often grouchier to one another than they would ever be with a friend. Familiarity, it sometimes seems, breeds contempt. Yet if someone is close enough to you to show you the true secret of their unhappiness, this can also be interpreted as a gesture of trust.
If you want to lose weight, should you eat less or more? If you want to reduce stress, should you set a greater number of targets or a smaller one? If you want to feel less pressured, should you strive for higher standards or accept lower ones? Feel free to take on as much responsibility as you want. You are entitled to be ambitious and adventurous. But no matter how intense life becomes, don't imagine that the way to lead an easier life involves first making your situation more difficult. How much excitement do you want? How many intense emotional experiences do you feel you need? Do you have to get caught up in some great drama? Must you deal with problem after problem? Sorry to ask all these questions, but then questions themselves can be so very destabilising. As soon as we start to ask them, we begin to chip away at whatever is making us feel most stable and secure. You can't just ignore an unsatisfactory situation, but nor do you have to give it your full attention ri...
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